What is insecurity and how does it occur? insecurity is extremely linked to our entire growth process, also to our childhood, and the relationship we had with the adults around us that we attributed to them and turned this trust into insecurity.
Whenever an adult promises something to a child and doesn’t deliver, it affects their security and also their trust, the child believes when the adult says that they will do something or that something will happen to them, the child blindly believes and trusts that adult very quickly too, but if suddenly the promises aren’t kept, it kills all confidence and consequently the child stops believing in themselves too.
So insecurity comes from this relationship with the adults who surrounded us as children, a feeling of not being good and capable enough is established within us, for that has to do with what we grew up listening to.
How many times has an adult you trusted told you that you wouldn’t be able to do something? That you couldn’t do something because you were too young or even not smart enough? All of this keeps people from doing what they want to. When a child tells an adult what they did and shows them a project that they accomplished with great pride and that adult replies that they didn’t do it right or that it is meaningless, this will make this child unmotivated or even afraid of trying something new and not being approved by an adult, they begin to introduce insecurity into themselves, stating that they are not good enough to achieve anything.
In adulthood, what happens once that person did not develop this internal security as a child, they will seek to have external security to overcome the lack of internal security and ends up falling into a trap of clinging to material goods, or people they choose as someone who will give them what they want. They will opt to work in a job that gives them certain security for fear of being fired and often end up feeling trapped many times doing a job that they don’t like and don’t provide them with any growth.
So this is the reason why they get attached to external things, to fill the lack of internal security, resulting from all these adjustments of these experiences that they’ve had since they were little.
The insecure end up not moving forward due to this feeling, and they end up closing themselves in an illusory world, this external security that they seek so much does not exist, the only security that exists is the one that they have inside themselves, of which they must arm themselves with and make firm and absolute decisions, with no help from anyone.
There are three factors that underlie insecurity.
The fear of being cheated, if you are extremely insecure with yourself, you will be afraid to be betrayed. All this because back then as a child you had a record that you were deceived, however simple it may seem. For example, someone told you they ware going to take you to the park or some other place and they didn’t, and you felt cheated, so you start to be afraid of this feeling of waiting for something, and that something doesn’t happen. Every time you expect something and it doesn’t happen, you automatically think you were betrayed.
Still, on the same topic about your childhood history, you probably had a friend who was not faithful to you, maybe they lied or took advantage of you about something. It may be that you had some opportunity that this friend stole from you and ended up receiving compliments that were meant to be yours, among so many other similar factors that usually occur in childhood and adolescence. All of this keeps filing in your mind, these stories are sedimented and reinforced until you can no longer trust or be safe around anything or anyone.
Generalization, you put everyone and all situations on the same scale, and you say you don’t trust anyone else and don’t believe in anything anymore, you think everyone is deceiving you, they are trying to sabotage you. You start to create a very large distance between you and the people you think causes your insecurity to increase, so you become afraid of moving forward and become paralyzed by fear.
These three factors block security. Now let’s see what is the cycle of the four phases that anyone who is insecure lives.
The lack of courage, when the person doesn’t risk anything and says they don’t have the courage to step forward, not having the courage to think or imagine a relationship different from those they already know, just relying on what they already know and that’s it, forbidding them to take chances at all.
They migrate from lack of courage to paralysis because the person who has no courage does nothing, does not act, they simply become totally paralyzed, falls into the reverse of this courage, which is fear, and ends up doing absolutely nothing else.
The sabotage of dreams, the person begins to sabotage themselves in various ways and destroys their dreams, it is as if they could no longer have any dreams because just by starting to dream these sabotages show up. Usually, they assimilate something that’s happened in the past and that was not very successful, because of that they think that it will always happen in the same way, and they think they don’t have the opportunity to try again, always saying that this will never work.
The feeling of incapacity is very strong in the insecure person, they don’t feel enough, think they are unworthy of anything and feel diminished in any situation. With this feeling of incapacity, they close the cycle and impedes the ability to produce, achieve, and dream.
Getting out of this closed-loop may seem like a difficult task at first, but never impossible. Nobody in this world is completely secure, this is a fact. Now there is something you can do to get out of this cycle completely you need to rely on the wisdom of your intuition. This strength that we all have, this intuitive power. Many of us fail to listen to our intuition, but I want you to know that it will always take you to the right path when you do not know where to go or what decision to make, listen to the voice of your intuition because it is very powerful.